Folks, don’t get too excited but my acting career is in full swing.
For six weeks only, in the Granada region, yep, it’s gone that crazy, I will be appearing in an advert of huge proportions. Now, I didn’t get the part I originally went for, but as they liked me they wanted to use me, and I take that as a compliment thank you. So instead of playing the Head of HR, for Appliances Online, I can actually be seen playing the part of, wait for it, the Badger. Yes folks, I’m back in skin work, and I can’t tell you how well things are going, at this rate I’ll be making special appearances in Channel 4’s next series about dogging.
So yes, pin back your eye lids, cos blink and you’ll miss me, but you’ll see me giving my best angry badger impression. It certainly beats the previous week’s disappointment of being asked to go for a casting for a different advert and then being told half an hour later that my BMI was too high and as a fatty I would no longer be needed. That my friends, was for Weight Watchers. So if you see some skinny runt eating a Chicken Piri Piri meal in their next line of adverts, please note that they only want anorexics to advertise their products and not real women who these pitiful small flavourless meals are aimed at. I thank you.
In other news, Jan and Mick, (the parents) are moving to Norfolk. This is very distressing, mostly as they currently live just off the M40 and that is very convenient for wee’s and Lemon drizzle, on route to London. I will now have to pull my finger out of my arsehole and put in proper effort to see my friends in that area now instead of just combining the two things. I think this is a good thing. It’s very easy to forget who the important people are in your life and why you have the mates that you do, and with the parents moving it’s made me properly realise that my chums from where I grew up, are tres important and therefore, if you’re reading this, which you might be, you might not, you might be busy with your own lives, and kids, and stuff, but if you are reading this, then be prepared for a visit from me. Especially around the 27th June, which is when I’m going to Brazil, and need somewhere to park my car and someone to take me to Heathrow, but hey, friends… I love ya.
Yes, I’m off to see the sister. She lives in Campinas, in Brazil. It doesn’t matter how many times I say that word, it still makes me giggle like a child. Pinas…. I can not wait. To see an actual Pinas would be even better, but I’ll settle for a holiday with my Brazils, and with any luck come back in a meat induced coma, and cheekily tanned. Trust me to book a holiday in South America, when it’s their winter. Hey ho. I’ll get it sprayed on, no one will know.
Whilst at the parents last week, I had to go and start clearing out my seventy eight houses worth of stuff I’ve conveniently left at there’s. Whilst there I found two boxes of letters from friends, diarising our lives from young teens to mid twenties, yes kids, before the internet and email were born. It was fab. And actually reading a lot of the letters, nothing really changes does it. We still moan about the same things, still worry about the same things and after twenty odd years, still think we’re fat, ugly, a failure,going out with the wrong people etc etc. So in conclusion from this, I have come to realise that I have spent the last twenty odd years worrying about things that there’s no point in worrying about so therefore, I should stop worrying about them. Really. But then, I’d only worry if I had nothing to worry about, so I suppose something’s better than nothing.
Oh and Les the Status Quo fan from Match.com has messaged me for a third time. Les, What ever you want, what ever you need, you pay your money, just not for me. Thanks, but again. No.